Devotedly: The Personal Letters and Love Story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot
I have liked pretty
much any Elisabeth Elliot (Gren) book I have read (I've read about three or
four I think, but not the ones on marriage or relationships). When I saw that this book was published, I
was quite excited. This is a book about
Jim and Elisabeth's 'love story', told through many of their letters to each
other and their journals. Their
daughter, Valerie, put it together and added commentary.
I was very
disappointed by their relationship. I
had always had the impression that they were a model example in Christian
pre-marital relationships. After reading
this book, I think that they are a horrible example to young men and women. I
was quite shocked.
They started out
liking each other, but not being sure whether the Lord would have them marry.
All fine and good. But then when you get
to them still not being sure whether or not the Lord would have them marry,(actually
for a while, Jim was quite sure that the
Lord wanted him to be single)but they act all loverlike, with certain things
they write in their letters and in their
physical relationship holding hands and other physical touching.
In one instance,
while they were still in the "maybe
God wants us to stay single, not sure about getting engaged" stage, the
daughter comments: "I still marvel at how
little physical touch they'd actually experienced. All they'd allowed themselves were a few
embraces, hand holding, possibly a kiss on the cheek. But how important to learn from my amazing
parents that their absolute priority remained the love of God, dependence on
God, and continual prayer for His leading." Ummm…that was not right. These were not brotherly embraces/hand
holding/ kisses, these were romantic ones.
Hardly following what the Apostle Paul told Timothy, to treat the young
women as sisters, "with all purity"(1 Tim 5:2)
In a letter to
Elisabeth from Jim (again before getting a "word from the Lord" that
they should marry). he talks about what happened some time before, when they
had been together somewhere: he had been "feigning
sleepiness, I crowded you against the clothing hung against the door - how your
body stiffened as my hand made its way to being received by your fingers - how
the whole of you slackened and my fingers were pressed to your lips. " He goes on to say, "We will, I suppose, get used to each other, the feel and smell and
look of one another…"
I don't understand
that. If marriage is not on the docket,
how could you say that? How could you do that in all purity before God?
And then Jim writes
in a letter, while they were still wondering about God's will for their
relationship, "I dreamed about you last
night. Coming home last evening and
reading your letter before I slept was like coming home to you, almost. You came to me in bed serious and shivering. I made you laugh and warmed you with my
body. Such things are seldom, and I
enjoyed it because it seemed good and right, and not much like a dream…."
But what about what
the Apostle Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7, where it is better to marry than to
burn with passion? Jim was definitely struggling with 'burning with
passion'(you see it even more clearly in other spots, even admitted as a
struggle by himself, in this book). It's
not as though Elisabeth and Jim were strongly doubting whether the other was a
Christian or not; rather they each, for the most part, were crazy about the
other and their devotion to the Lord.
Their parents were not opposing the match either. All signs, including the Bible itself, were
pointing towards their needing to get married.
Pointing to God's will for them to be joined together in marriage before
Him. It's as though they didn't see
Scripture as the authority unless it gave them some sort of assured feeling.
Rather than heeding what it explicitly said about man/woman relationships, they
waited for an extrabiblical sign/feeling.
Even Elisabeth's
brother, Dave, kept warning Jim about playing with Elisabeth's heart. But they both disregarded him, or anyone else
who looked at their relationship critically.
Their daughter comments at one spot, "Though
no one could seem to understand why they weren't' getting engaged and making
plans to go to the mission field together…..she knew she'd put God first and
knew my father was attempting to do the same thing…And as long as God's will
was uppermost in each of their hearts, they were under no obligation to explain
themselves to anyone or give out all the details of their prayer life and
relationship dynamics".
And then, when they
finally get engaged, Jim seems to want even more physical contact and justifies
it by saying that 1 Corinthians 7:1 (It is good for a man not to touch a woman)
was speaking of "an unmarried man sharing another's wife", not a man
engaged to be married. The daughter
quotes him, interspersing her own words,"'it
does not apply to my play with Betty," which meant he could enjoy 'further
liberty with her body' without being guilty of fornication, once they were
engaged." According to Jim
Elliot's views, at the time, it's okay
for engaged couples to touch one another's bodies as long as they don't have
sex? Huh???
I am incredulous at several of his interpretations and applications of various
passages. I don't understand how this is
keeping with the passage that says to "keep
the marriage bed holy" (Heb 13:4).
Being engaged means
that the couple are set-aside for each other, no one else, but they don't
belong to each other before God yet - so no playing with one another's bodies,
even if it's not sexual. God has not yet
joined you together, so don't act as though He has. Wait until you are married.
All in all, I was
VERY disappointed. I was reading this
book aloud with my sister, and I had to skip several spots, because they were
indecent and made me blush. Yes, Jim and
Elisabeth seemed to be Christians, but that doesn't mean that everything that
they did was Christ-like and should be followed. I could not recommend this book to any couple
because it does not promote true Godly pre-marital relationships. I'll end with a section from 1 Thessalonians
4:"For this is the will of God, even your
sanctification, that ye abstain from fornication; that each one of you know how
to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the
passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who know not God; that no man transgress,
and wrong his brother in the matter: because the Lord is an avenger in all
these things, as also we forewarned you and testified. For God called us not
for uncleanness, but in sanctification. "(1Th 4:3-7)
I received a free review copy of this book from
B&H Publishers. My review did not
have to be favorable.
My Rating: 1 out of 5 Stars
This book is sold on Christianbook.com and Amazon.com
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